Today might be the day I've been dreading

Things aren't looking so good right now. I think today might be the day we finally supplement Alex with formula. I know, I don't like it one bit but I am running out of options.

I believe the root cause to this whole problem is his growth spurt, though I am not 100% sure. I've been noticing that he has been acting fussier than normal the past few days. Today, however, is the worst day of all. He not only woke up at 3am to eat again (he no longer does this) but wanted to eat soon after his 7am feeding.

I tried feeding him at 9:30 but hes so fussy on the breast that he has just refused to eat at all. I let him cry it out for a bit hoping he would go to sleep or get hungry enough to eat but that didn't work. He was still screaming and crying at 12. Thats when I finally woke up Adrian, told him to watch Mia for me, and took Alex to Mia's room.

I tried everything. He still refuses to eat. I walked with him, rocked him, changed his clothes, changed his diaper, took off his clothes and did skin to skin, talked to him... nothing worked. When he did finally calm down when I was rocking him... it didn't last long and he was screaming again.

So now I am pumping as I type this. He is still in the room crying at its 1pm. I am hoping if I feed him a bottle (which I have never done before) the taste of the milk might trigger him to eat again. I know hes hungry, I can hear his tiny tummy growl. So hopefully I will be able to pump enough to make him happy. We also have 1 emergency frozen 5oz of milk in the freezer. Its my only supply I have since I have not been able to make extra milk to feed him this whole past month! (Yes, he has not had a bottle in over a month!). So we might resort to feeding him that next if that still doesn't do the trick, then its formula time.

I am not to thrilled about this, but I know sometimes in life you can't control everything no matter how hard you try and how much you want things a certain way. It all comes down to doing the right thing, and the right thing for your babies. I learned this long ago when I was in labor with Mia and not progressing and had a choice to keep going and possibly hurting Mia or go C-Section.

Well wish me luck, this is all very heart breaking for me. I can hear him crying as we speak... its killing me...