Its been a full week since I got that faded tiny little positive line on my pregnancy test. This week hasn't flown by as fast as it normally does, then again not much exciting stuff has happened.
This week has been alittle tough on me. I am VERY excited and happy about this pregnancy but I am also very terrorfied. I keep having horrible thoughts that I am going to lose this pregnancy like I did my last one. At first, those thoughts didn't even occur to me but as time went on and I started to feel pains and cramps I started reliving the miscarriage. At one point I would freeze still thinking, is this it? Am I going to start bleeding and miscarry? So its been a very difficult week for me, to say the least. I know I need to stop worrying so much but its so hard when I have been tramatized so horribly bad.
So far the cramping and stabby pains are getting better. However, if I get up to fast or something I get a awful horrible pain in my uterus. Its happened a few times now, the most recent being about 5 mins ago when I was putting Mia down for nap and got up from the floor to fast. They are HORRIBLE pains, I literally buckle down to my knees if I am standing, or if I am sitting I have to have my arms catch me. Its really that bad. The pain doesn't last long... maybe about 10-20 seconds but the lingering side effect does stay with me for awhile.
I am trying not to get to worried. My first pre-natal visit is on March 3rd. I think when I see my baby's heart beat and know they are ok, I will start relaxing a bit. Till then I am still on pins and needles.
I haven't told a sole (other than Mia and Adrian) yet. Not even Mona. I attempted to call her a couple of days ago but haven't tried again. I haven't told anyone not even close friends and family because I dunno.... I just don't feel right yet. I am too scared. I might wait until after my pre-natal visit. I dunno. My parents can't make it down this weekend so I can't tell them till next weekend. Usually that would tear me up but surprisenly I can wait. I dunno... I almost feel like if I celebrate/enjoy/tell people about this pregnancy I will lose it. Like jinx myself or something... I know Its weird. I just hope I get over this funk soon.
SICKNESS:
Well I have been fortunate lately. I have not had a bad bout of queasiness lately. It comes and goes but nothing as strong as it was with Mia. I never really got sick with Angel's pregnancy except a couple of episode. So far this one has been treating me good... so far!
CRAVINGS:
As crazy as it sounds, I have already started notcing food cravin and aversions. I previous HATED grapefruit but now love it and crave it. I crave Adrian's jarred pickles (which also I previously hated) and BEANS!!!! I LOVE BEANS! I have been a bean monster lately! One of the aversions I noticed is Chocolate!! NOOOOOO!!!! I know and Valentines day is a few days away. Sigh.... We picked up a chocolate cake to celebrate Pumpkin's pregnancy but I barely could get through half of a half of a slice before giving it to Adrian. I didn't touch it again. I also had one of my favorite chocolate covered granola bars and that made me so queasy and sick. So ya no more chocolate for me. Which is good, I need to start eating better
TIREDNESS:
That has hit me pretty hard in the beginning of the week, however, now I am getting alittle better. I have alittle more energy and I think its because I am making sure I eat when I am hungry and eat healthy things. I still need my nap during the day but if I really needed to I can make it through the day without one.
NEW SYMPTOMS:
Well I am barely pregnant so there are no "new" symptoms to write about. This is pretty much the baseline blog. Other than my uterian pains, boob pains, insomnia, frequent peeing, and tiredness there isn't really anything new new to report.
WEIGHT:
Ugh... this is going to be a problem, however, I am ramping up for the challenge against it. When I got pregnant with Angel back in Aug. I went to my primary care doc for an unrelated thing. I told him I was pregnant (and at the time weighing 188) and asked what I should do about the weight situation. He told me to WALK WALK WALK and he would like me to remain at my weight or go down but not gain any. YIKES! Talk about hard! Well when I lost Angel I tried so hard to get into a work out routine and eat better. Things went great, I dropped down to 183. Then my surgery happened, the recovery was long and I got really sick in Jan so I could not maintain the hardcore gym workout I was doing. Then I got pregnant. Well last time I weighed myself I was 184. I have been researching about a proper diet for obese (yes I am obese) pregnant women and they said that it is actually ok to remain or lose weight during your pregnancy! That gave me some hope. So I am going to try to hit the gym again (treadmil walking only!) and eat right. We will see what happens... wish me luck with that
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