A personal Milestone

Today marks a very meaningful milestone for me. I have officially carried this baby longer than my previous one. I am not sure how I feel about that. I am happy and relieved but at the same time, I still feel a bit saddened of the "type" of milestone I am "celebrating".

I have put the miscarriage behind me for the most part but I still think of my little baby Angel, the baby that "could have been". This new baby has helped me heal sooo VERY much and I am grateful for the chance to even try again. I am so very blessed.

This new pregnancy has had me on my toes more than normal due to what happened previously. Yes, I have been scared... and at times down right paranoid about losing this blessing as well. However, with each passing day I feel stronger and stronger and more positive. March 3rd will be the big day though, thats when we will actually see our little pumpkin for the first time and hopefully be told everything is A-OK.

So today is bittersweet. It is a milestone and it is a good thing for this baby, however it doesn't mean that I have forgotten about my last baby. Overall I know baby Angel is looking over their little sibling in my tummy and I know they will make sure this baby will be ok. Wow, pumpkin isn't even born yet and already has a guardian angel, how sweet.

Well I am off to get some rest. I just wanted to write something about today and how meaningful it is to me.

Finally!!!!!

After many obstacles and unexpected roadblocks, we were FINALLY able to share the news with my Brother and Sis in Law today!! YAY!!!

Seriously it was getting to be pretty crazy with how many times we would just miss each other on the phone when we were playing phone tag! Eventually we finally caught my brother home (which is a rarity in itself) I had Adrian and Mia sitting next to me while on speaker phone. I told my brother that we needed to ask a favor of him and Lauren and to get her on the phone as well. (I was doing my best not to give them any hints on what was about to be told to them). Eventually he got her on the phone and right away I blurted out "I'm Pregnant!!!" They both cheered and my brother quickly took me off speaker phone since my Dad was sitting right there. He was afraid we had not told him yet haha. I told him I had so he put me back on speaker!

Both were so exciting on being a new Auntie and Uncle again and we all chatted on the phone happily. I apologized for not telling them earlier and explained how I was being paranoid about miscarrying again and they completely understood. The only thing that got my brother to go "hey wait a min!" was when we told them we were thinking of naming the baby Sofia if its a girl! (Their recent daughter named is Sophia). I explained how we wanted to name our second girl that ever since Mia was born (which is true) but we wanted to spell it Sofia and call her Sophie instead. We got the idea from Adrian's cousin Claire's baby Sophie who is only a few months older than Mia. Anyway I don't think he liked that much but meh oh well. We will see what happens, who knows we might have a boy and it won't even matter.

It was so nice to finally get to tell them. They were the only other family members left that I insisted on telling on the phone if not in person. Now I feel complete and if anyone else hears about it before my March 3rd appointment I won't be devastated. I can't wait until I can finally be open and free about it. I plan on posting the news on facebook since most of our families are on there, and have a picture of the ultra sound! I can't wait!!!!

3 weeks since I found out

Day 31:

Ugh! That is the theme of this week, especially today. Not sure how long I can last before I need to lay down again so I will try to get through this as fast as I can. This week tons of changes have happened and I truly feel more pregnant than ever. I am really starting to feel this pregnancy will be ok which is a HUGE relief. The symptoms are strong and I am SICK ALL THE TIME!!!!

We were able to finally tell the Grandparents and that was a huge treat! I am looking forward to telling my brother and sis in law now but I just can't seem to catch them at a good time.

We did get our first big scare earlier in the week when I got some spotting like discoloration. I ended up calling the nurse line and though they said we should come in we decided to wait it out. Turns out to be nothing because it cleared up and never came back. Phew... but it wasn't fun going through it thats for sure.


SICKNESS:
O-M-G!!!!!! Everyday just gets worse and worse! And today has been KING of all sick days. I haven't vomited yet but I have been so close. Infact I can feel the food I just ate rising in my throat right now!!... bleh. The oranges and ginger ale trick aren't working this time around either!!! NOOO!!! The only thing that seems to settle my stomach is dry Cheerios, and I have to fight Mia for those! Ugh.. I am not looking forward to this part of the pregnancy.. its the pits. I get so sick and even become bed ridden. The only thing is, I cannot rest like I did with Mia's pregnancy because I have Mia running around. Luckily Adrian has stepped up and helped me out TONS!!!! It seems to peak early morning as soon as I open my eyes and wake up, and it lasts until late afternoon. Only then will I be able to stomach something other than Cheerios.

CRAVINGS
BEANS and BEEF!!! Those are the foods for the week! haha Though I cannot eat much else. Anything sweet will set me off and thats including juice!!! Even OJ sometimes makes me sick! I don't know how I am going to handle this pregnancy food wise at all!!! But beans are awesome and I love them! Oranges are meh.. they taste good when I eat them but they sometimes make me sick too!! (HUGE difference from Mia's pregnancy) and I haven't touched a Grapefruit almost all week.

TIREDNESS
I have gotten alot better with this. If I nap while Mia does then I am ok, the only thing is, the sickness has me bed ridden ALOT even if I am not tired. So I am in bed alot or laying on the couch but its not always because I am tired.

NEW SYMPTOMS
I don't really have many "new symptoms" other than certain smells do make me sick now. That is new. Before I just had hyper sensitive smell with no nausiousness but now the sickness is accompanied. Once Adrian re-heated some El Pollo Loco chicken and I literally had to run upstairs to escape the smell it was making me so sick!!

WEIGHT
I haven't been able to check this in a while. I do feel bloated alot and I feel like I am retaining tons of water so I am guessing I have increased in weight. I am to sick to check in the morning... all I want to do is lay or sit perfectly still so I don't throw up. I don't think I will be taking Mia for anymore morning walks nor hit the gym for awhile... sigh....

The Grandparents Know!!!!

YAY! We finally were able to announce the news to my Mom and Dad this weekend, AND we got an extra bonus... we got an unexpected visit from Adrian's Mom and we got to tell her too! So now all the Grandparents know!

My parents came up for a visit on Saturday and left on Sunday in the late afternoon. I had been racking my brain trying to come up with a new creative way on breaking the news to them. I had always done it in a surprise type way. With Mia, as they walked in the door, we handed them a gift we "got from Maui". It was a wrapped picture frame that had a picture of the positive pregnancy test. With Angel, we also surprised them as they walked in, only this time it we had Mia break the news by wearing a "Big Sister" shirt. This time I decided to make a "Valentines Day" card by hand and which read "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue" and when you opened it it had a picture of Mia on top and a picture of the positive pregnancy test on the bottom and read "First there was one, and now there are two!!"

We didn't give the card to them right away. We acted like nothing and visited like normal. We ate our lunch and chatted a bit. Then I busted out the card. I told them it was a Valentines Day card from us. Right away my Dad got concerned, he said he felt bad he didn't give US a card! HAHA So my Mom and Dad stood together and my Mom read the card. Instantly when they opened it my Mom knew and it took my Dad a few seconds and then he got it too. They both burst into celebration. I have never seen my Dad so happy before... well other than when we announced Mia's pregnancy and Angel's. He yelled and hugged us and my Mom did as well. They were both shocked how long we could keep this a secret, and how normal we were acting haha

The rest of the visit they spoiled me as always. I also got very sick a few times so we were unable to go anywhere. They even took Mia to IHOP so they could bring back some food for us since I was too sick to go out. It was nice to be spoiled again. They were so extremely happy for us and it felt good to finally tell someone in person. Later that first night, they surprised us with a strawberry cake (because I told them how chocolate makes me sick) and a bottle of apple cider! We all celebrated and toasted. Even Mia got a taste of apple cider for the second time in her life. (The first time was with Angel's announcement). She made cute faces because of the fizzies haha

Anyways the visit was great, we couldn't ask for anything more... other than me not being so sick.

Later that evening we got a surprise visit from Adrian's Mom!!! Her vacation from work had started and she really wanted to see us. It was great to see her again and after visiting for a bit it was time to go to bed. Adrian and I decided to tell her before bed since she would see me sick in the morning anyway and probably figure it out. So as we said our Goodnights, we stood there and Adrian said "Angie has something to say" I blurted out "IM PREGNANT!" We actually surprised her for once (since she guessed the last two times before we could even say it) and she quickly smiled and celebrated. She was so happy for the news and for us. We were happy we finally were able to shock her before she could guess (which is hard because she knows everything! haha) We celebrated a bit then I went off to bed because... ya you guessed it.. I was feeling sick again.

So YAY the news is out!! Well to the parents at least. We still want to wait until the ultrasound before breaking it to the rest of the family. Ahhh... what a feeling of relief.. its feeling even more real now! I can't wait to tell the family!

First Big Scare....

I have been walking on egg shells for awhile now, with this pregnancy, in constant fear of losing my precious baby. However, only recently have I slowly started to relax a bit. The cervical pain is gone and the pressure/discomfort is minimal. I felt things were going to be ok... until today

I woke up feeling EXTREMELY sick, ahh joys of morning sickness. I could not knock it for anything, not even OJ helped.. infact it made me want to throw up more!! I got Mia up and poor baby got a pretty lousy breakfast since I couldn't stand to cook anything. Eventually I felt alittle better after Mia and I shared a bowl of dry Cheerios.

I later put Mia down for a nap and went to bed myself. When I woke up I felt alright, still alittle queasy but nothing bad. I got up and Adrian was already up with Mia. We made plans to hit Babies R Us for a diaper run and I rested a bit while he made Mia some lunch. I ate some lunch too and rested. Then it was time to go and I got up to get ready and all of a sudden I felt really sick again. I told Adrian I didnt' want to go anymore and later went to use the restroom. Thats where I noticed it...

I had some weird orangey colored discoloration after I wiped. It wasn't from my urine since it was clear and it wasn't blood or anything however it was noticible and it was there. I started to get concerned, soon I was reliving my miscarriage!! I tried to remain calm and checked again.. and again it was there but so very little. Almost barely noticable but I saw it. I quickly ran upstairs and told Adrian he told me to relax and calm down and to call the nurses line.

I was in dejavu mode... I was remembering how I noticed some weird colored discharge moments before my miscarriage. The only saving grace was I wasn't having any cervical pain this time. I called the nurses line and after going round and round different people (ya I hate Kaiser) I finally managed to talk to a triage nurse. I told her everything and after interviewing me she recommended I go to Urgent Care in Riverside to get things checked out.

I was scared I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if this was really nothing and that I was making it out to be something bigger than it was OR if it really was the beginning of something. I went out to the livingroom and talked to Adrian about it. We agreed, after much discussion, that we would wait until Monday then make an appointment to see my OB. We decided on this mainly for the fact there wasn't any blood or cramping and if it was infact a miscarriage happening then there isn't anything anyone would/could do anyway.

So the rest of the evening I rested while Adrian tended to all of Mia's needs. The pressure and cramping have gotten alot better though I still have a slight constant pain on my left side (the side I think the baby is on). I have checked myself numerous times in the bathroom and all the discoloration has stopped completely. I am feeling alittle more relieved.

We will see what the weekend holds. If I start to bleed I will go to the ER, and if the discoloration doesn't return I will just chalk it up to one of those "weird pregnancy things" but if it does return I am making an appt to see my doctor.

Sigh... please pray for me. Hopefully everything is alright...

2 weeks since I found out

DAY: 24

Its been two weeks since I found out my newest little one has hitched a ride in my tummy. I am 24 days pregnant and per the LNMP calendar I am 5 weeks. These weeks keep zooming by! I can't believe I am over two weeks pregnant and no one in my family knows yet!! Pretty crazy huh? Well hopefully I will be able to share the news with my parents this weekend we will see how that goes.

This week has become a more positive one for me. I have finally started to relax a bit and am not so paranoid about having a miscarriage again. I did some math and turns out that on Feb. 27 I will officially be carrying this baby longer than I did with Angel. So on that day I think I will have a little personal celebration for myself and the baby... maybe celebrate with an Orange or Grapefruit haha

Eventhough I am more confedient about this pregnancy I am still very reserved about telling people about it. So far Mona is the only one I told, I haven't told Lauren/my brother, my good friend Mel or Jess or even Jimmy. So goes to show you I am still really reserved. I think I will feel better once I go to my first pre-natal appointment.

The cramping and sharp pains have slowly become alot less. Other than getting small discomfort here and there the throbing stabby cervical pains have stopped YAY!!! I went on a 1 mile walk with Mia this morning and I had ZERO discomfort YAY AGAIN!!! All these things have made me feel alot better about this go around.

We will see whats in store for me these upcoming weeks

SICKNESS
This has reared its ugly head a few times. So far it only really hits in the morning and at night, however, the day before Valentines Day it was actually there ALL DAY! That was horrible. I have noticed that if I don't eat right it brings it on alot faster and harder so I have been making every effort to eat right. Adrian has started this new health kick so I am benefiting from it too. We have never had so many fruits and veggies in our house at one time EVER! haha Anways last night was the worst night for sickness where even the Orange eating didn't quite knock it completely. I didn't need gingerale (my usual last ditch effort before throwing up) so that was good. Overall making sure I eat my oranges and drink my OJ has been helping.

CRAVINGS
I haven't had any new cravings however I HATE CHOCOLATE! Actually it still looks good to me but everytime and I mean EVERYTIME I eat a piece I literally get so nausiated within 5 mins I feel so sick, its awful. Poor Adrian bought me a 1 pound box of See's Chocolates for Vday and I can't even touch them. I am still liking Grapefruit, and Oranges are the BEST! The one thing I have noticed though that this pregnancy sure has me eating stuff I never used to like! Like Grapefruit, Adrian's polish Pickles, Raw Onions, and there is something else that I just can't think of right now. I do find myself craving salads again like with Mia's (especially Carl's Jr!!!) and fresh fruit and veggies

TIREDNESS
That has gotten alot better however I do still nap at least once a day. I have been trying to adjust Mia's nap time so when she wakes up and I still need some extra zzzzzzzz's Adrian can get her. The weird thing is, I am so tired all the time but I still can't sleep at night its horrible! I always feel overheated for some reason

NEW SYMPTOMS
Welcome Pregnancy Super Human Smell! Yep I have officially developed my super human smelling ability. I have always been extra sensitive to smell but now its on hyper drive. Fortunately it still isn't really accompanied with strong nausia but its still there. Last night I was laying on the couch in the living room I could literally smell the nacho cheese dip Adrian was eating in the kitchen! And that jar is small!!! haha I can also smell Mia's poopie diaper a mile away, thats no fun. My boobs don't hurt as much as they did with Mia but they didn't do that with Angel either so I think I may just be in the clear. However, they are still very sore just not OMG OUCH sore! well unless Mia elbows them, which she is doing quite often now for some reason! The dizziness has kicked in alot and I am finding myself light headed alot which sucks. I also feel foggy headed alot and can't concentrate or think right. Just the other day I had to ask Adrian how to spell the number "Two"... t-w-o just didn't look right to me. Yep I have also developed my preggy brain!

WEIGHT
Well I am still hovering at 184. Earlier in the week, I started to get overly obessed with my weight. It was so bad that Adrian made me quit weighing myself. So I took out the batteries from our scale and didn't weight myself again for almost the week. I am still at 184 so I gained a pound.. bleh. I am hoping that with us eating better and taking my daily walks will help with that. But who knows, I have a strong feeling I am going to blow up with this pregnancy... great....

I finally told someone

Today marks a big day for me. I finally told someone about my pregnancy. I have been having huge hesitations and issues regarding telling people about my pregnancy in fear that I will jinx myself and lose the baby again.

However, today I finally decided that I HAD to tell someone... so I called up my best friend since we were 14.. MONA! Last time I spoke to her we were on our way back from Vegas. I had told her we were trying for another baby and that I thought I was pregnant. She was so excited and happy for us and wanted to know when I got pregnant. Well I found out on the 3rd and called her up on the 8th however I got her voicemail. I didn't leave a message and thought I would call later. Thats when all the paranoia set in and I just never called her back.

Again today I felt like I had to tell someone, but I was still scared. So I texted her to give me a call and she did. I said hi and then blurted out I AM PREGNANT!!! She screamed with excitement and was so happy for us. It was great to finally tell someone... now its beginning to feel a bit real. I am still reserved about telling anyone else but at least someone knows. I told her of all my pains and concerns and she reassured me that she felt the same way with her baby Koa. That made me feel better. She also said she will keep us in our prayers and send positive energy our way. That helped too.

I feel so much better now. Not sure if I will tell anyone else yet. I know I don't want to tell family until after my first ultrasound.. well extended family. Hopefully my parents will be able to make it down next weekend so we can tell them. Not sure when I am going to tell my brother and Lauren yet... hopefully soon. Again I still feel very reserved about the whole thing.

Well at least one persons knows and I am glad it was her. Mona was also the first person I told when I got pregnant with Mia and Angel so the tradition continues =)

Note to self...

Note to self.... never buy Mia a scratch and sniff book while pregnant again!!!! I can't even read it to her to makes me so sick... bleh!

Poor Adrian......

My all time "poor Adrian" pregnancy story was the Submarina sandwhich story. I always thought it was the saddest thing ever and nothing could ever top that story... well it finally happened.. something comes close too if not tops it and I am only 3 weeks along!!!!

First of all, the Submarina sandwich story goes like this. When I was barely pregnant with Mia (probably less than a full month or about that) I was craving Submarina's Turkey Sandwhich. I LOVE their Pepper Turkey sandwiches! I had been feeling really sick all day and that was the only thing that sounded good. So I pulled out my pregnancy card and made Adrian go pick me up a sandwich. I usually don't boss him around to do things for me, but this was a pregnancy emergency. So like a awesome husband that he is he went. When he came back he brought in not a 6 inch. but a foot long!! YAY!!! He told me that he didn't have enough money to buy himself something to eat because he wanted to make sure I had a foot long and enough to eat. (Sweet huh?) Well I eagerly opened up the package... took out my sandwich and took a big bite!!! and... YUCK!! I almost threw up right then an there. That is when I learned all about pregnancy food aversions and turkey happened to be number one on my list!!! OH NO! So I threw the sandwich away... poor Adrian...

So today, like I mentioned before, we are celebrating Valentines Day early so I got to get my vday presents. Adrian held my first present behind his back... he looked a bit sad and he said "I got you this earlier, now I think your going to not like it" I told him its ok to give it to me anyways and it was a big 1 pound box of Sees Chocolates (MY FAVORITE!) Oh no!!!! Chocolate has been a HUGE food aversion for me this go around. I felt so horrible. Adrian said he bought them for me before he learned of my food averson to chocolate and wish he would have known because there was a HUGE line at the candy store too. Poor guy... Well I tried to stomach a piece anyways and though it tasted alright it made me instantly sick to my stomach and I had to do whatever I could to keep my lunch down. So sad...

So I am going to keep the chocolates and hopefully I will be able to eat them again soon.. .maybe my 2nd or 3rd trimester. Poor Adrian...

The BEST V-Day Gift EVER!!!!

As I mentioned before, Adrian bought me my early Valentines presents! A dozen red roses, a boquet of my favorite flower (Star Gazers) a GIA-NORMUS Heart balloon (which Mia claimed as hers) and the best thing of all....... A HUGE bag of ORANGES!!!! YAY!!!!

Oranges have once again have reined supreme in my diet, just like they did with Mia. They are my cure for nausiousness and they taste AWESOME!!! Its like dejavu for me.. I am an Orange monster again. We have been needing to go to the store to restock our fruit/veggie supply and we have been out of oranges for a couple of days now. Noooooooo!!! And the OJ wasn't cutting it, I think it was making me have the runs!!! EEEWWW! So you better believe I was super excited to see that HUGE bag of HUGE Oranges!!!!

That was the best V-Day present... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worst Sick Day EVER!!!

Yep its officially here... welcome back morning, evening, night sickness!!! BLEH!!! and it HAD to fall on today.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day, however, Adrian and I traditionally celebrate it the day before due to the over crowded places on VDay. So we planned on going to Soup Plantation and spend some time together with Mia.

Well I should have known it wasn't going to be a good day for me when I woke up feeling bleh. By the time I got Mia up I was nausious and had the runs BAD! I was barely able to make it to Target down the street real fast to pick up a card and some candy for Adrian. When I got home I was EXTEMELY sick. I put Mia down for a nap and slept myself. After my nap I got WORSE! My head was spinning and I wanted to throw up so bad. I woke up Adrian and had him take care of Mia until I felt well enough to cook her some lunch.

Well the sickness stayed with me and whenever I sat it, it hit HARD! So Adrian ended up feeding Mia and watching her for awhile while I rested on the couch. Eventually it slowly got better. Adrian left for awhile and came back with presents for me!!! I ate a bit and felt much better afterwards.

Now I am feeling a bit better but still not 100%, its to late to go out, Mia is in bed. Bleh...I just hope tomorrow goes better than today

Oh great... they are back

The uterian and cervical pain/discomfort I have been experiencing lately, which makes me extremely paranoid and nervous about a possible miscarriage, had finally started to get better.

Most of yesterday and most of today I was discomfort free, up until after my afternoon nap. I woke up with lots of pressure again. I tried to ignore it. I wanted to hit the gym for my daily walk but decided against it when the pressure wouldn't get better. Later in the afternoon the pressure became a pulsating stabby pain in my cervix area. I couldn't quite locate its specific location but it scared me.

I took it easy the rest of the afternoon and the pain has since stopped but the pressure is still there.

Sigh.. I hope this is all normal... its driving me insane!!!!!

I still have yet to tell anyone about this pregnancy. I think I am being weird about it, but I feel if I do I might jinx myself. I don't even have the heart to call up my closest friends and family or even email them. I hope I get better soon.... I am looking forward to March 3rd, my first prenatal appointment, but I am also terrified! What if there is no baby again, or no heart beat, or something is wrong... I can round and round in circles being paranoid about this. I just want to make sure the baby is ok so I can finally sit back and really enjoy this pregnancy!

Bye Bye Scale....

After a talk with Adrian I have decided to ban the scale from the house until after the pregnancy. Adrian made me realize I was becoming to obsessed with my weight that if it got worse I could end up harming the baby down the road.

What he said made sense. I was becoming to obsessive with the scale. I was getting upset if I gained an ounce and felt unbelievably guilty if I ate something bad that made me gain that ounce. Though I never starved myself, I was getting a bit carried away with portion control... so much that I was always feeling hungry all the time. Once I stopped being so harsh with my portions and ate until I was completely satisfied I was no longer always hungry all the time.

So I decided to take the batteries out of our scale in the bathroom so that I don't get tempted to weigh myself. I will just go by what the doctor's office say during my check ups. That is what I did with Mia's pregnancy.

I want to make sure to give this little baby the best start possible, the same start I gave Mia and knowing my obsessive nature I cannot do that if I am overly focused on my weight. Granted I am not as low as I wanted to be starting this pregnancy but that is my fault. I didn't work hard enough and NOW is NOT the time to start over doing it to make up for it. I will let this pregnancy go as it needs too and I will just work extra hard when its over.

So the scale is gone but that doesn't mean I am going to stop being healthy. I am still going to watch what I eat, make sure my portions are decent and not too much, and keep up with my walking. If I end up ballooning up this pregnancy it will NOT be from over eating, and not being active, it will only be because I am growing a big healthy baby inside me!!

Sigh... so wish me luck... I am a bit nervous.. but I am giving my body to my baby, they are #1 and I have to do what is best for them, even if it means me hitting 200+ lbs.

I do this for you little Pumpkin... Mama loves you....

A nice walk around the park with Mia

I am really trying to be healthy this go around with this pregnancy. I am not sure if I can make it to the gym everyday but I can attempt to walk outside everyday (if the weather permits).

Today was my first day out on a walk with Mia since I became pregnant. It was nice out, not to cold not to warm.. just perfect. We started our walk around 10 so it was so bright and early.

I did 3 laps around the track pushing Mia in her stroller. I have timed it before and 3 laps - 1 mile. I even had my GPS with me to confirm it. I managed to do 1 mile in 24 mins. I was so proud of myself.

Afterwards I let Mia play in the park for about 30 mins before walking back home. I feel good about myself, if the weather maintains itself I can see myself doing this more often.

I did get mild discomfort afterwards though but not really "Cramping" just some pressure and uncomfortableness. I am taking it slow and walking alot slower than I used to.

My weight goal for this pregnancy is just to maintain... and thats my new mantra "just maintain!" I am not looking to lose weight, I am not dieting and still eating good but I would like my weight to stay as close to what it is as possible. Wish me luck!

Oh the familiar feeling...

I think I spoke too soon when I wrote my weekly blog about how I was feeling. I AM SICK!! BLEH!!! I feel so queasy its not even funny... Mia pregnancy bad!!!! YUCK!

I went to bed fine but I woke up when Adrian went to bed (6:30am) and instantly I felt horrible. I felt so queasy...too queasy to stay in bed so I got up to use the restroom to see if that would help. It really didn't.

We ran out of OJ yesterday! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I didn't think it would be such a big deal yesterday but I was wrong IT IS A BIG DEAL! Now I realize I can never not have OJ in the house!!! Its what helped me with both Mia and Angel's queasiness during their pregnancies. I almost made Adrian go to the store to go get me some, but I think I will use my "free bossing the husband around pregnancy pass" for a more dire situation.

So I did the next best thing. I went to the fridge and got one of Mia's oranges. I opened it up and tried to eat it. The first bite almost made me throw up. Ugh... I decided NOT to eat the pulp and to eat it like Mia instead. Just suck out the juice when I bite it. Sure enough after some time past I started to feel alittle better. I am down to my last sliver. I think I will eat it and attempt to go back to bed for another hour. Its almost 7am. Mia usually doesn't wake up until 8-8:30am so I might have some time to rest.

Ugh... not looking forward to this sickness... this is not going to be fun AT ALL!!!

First workout Preggy

Thats right, I finally hit the gym today. The first time since I got pregnant. I am only able to use the treadmill now (per all the baby workout websites) so thats what I did.

I walked 1.5 miles in 35 mins. I am so proud of myself!!! YAY! The only thing is I did feel alot of pressure in my uterus and cervix but nothing alarming. I came home feeling fine... starving.. but fine. I am still going to take it easy for awhile. I used to "walk" at a pace of 3.0 and run at 3.8 but right now I am only walking and its at 2.5. I can't wait to go again!

I AM STARVING!!!!

I am always hungry!!!! I can't stop eating! I am an eating MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!...... that is all

1 week after finding out

Its been a full week since I got that faded tiny little positive line on my pregnancy test. This week hasn't flown by as fast as it normally does, then again not much exciting stuff has happened.

This week has been alittle tough on me. I am VERY excited and happy about this pregnancy but I am also very terrorfied. I keep having horrible thoughts that I am going to lose this pregnancy like I did my last one. At first, those thoughts didn't even occur to me but as time went on and I started to feel pains and cramps I started reliving the miscarriage. At one point I would freeze still thinking, is this it? Am I going to start bleeding and miscarry? So its been a very difficult week for me, to say the least. I know I need to stop worrying so much but its so hard when I have been tramatized so horribly bad.

So far the cramping and stabby pains are getting better. However, if I get up to fast or something I get a awful horrible pain in my uterus. Its happened a few times now, the most recent being about 5 mins ago when I was putting Mia down for nap and got up from the floor to fast. They are HORRIBLE pains, I literally buckle down to my knees if I am standing, or if I am sitting I have to have my arms catch me. Its really that bad. The pain doesn't last long... maybe about 10-20 seconds but the lingering side effect does stay with me for awhile.

I am trying not to get to worried. My first pre-natal visit is on March 3rd. I think when I see my baby's heart beat and know they are ok, I will start relaxing a bit. Till then I am still on pins and needles.

I haven't told a sole (other than Mia and Adrian) yet. Not even Mona. I attempted to call her a couple of days ago but haven't tried again. I haven't told anyone not even close friends and family because I dunno.... I just don't feel right yet. I am too scared. I might wait until after my pre-natal visit. I dunno. My parents can't make it down this weekend so I can't tell them till next weekend. Usually that would tear me up but surprisenly I can wait. I dunno... I almost feel like if I celebrate/enjoy/tell people about this pregnancy I will lose it. Like jinx myself or something... I know Its weird. I just hope I get over this funk soon.

SICKNESS:
Well I have been fortunate lately. I have not had a bad bout of queasiness lately. It comes and goes but nothing as strong as it was with Mia. I never really got sick with Angel's pregnancy except a couple of episode. So far this one has been treating me good... so far!

CRAVINGS:
As crazy as it sounds, I have already started notcing food cravin and aversions. I previous HATED grapefruit but now love it and crave it. I crave Adrian's jarred pickles (which also I previously hated) and BEANS!!!! I LOVE BEANS! I have been a bean monster lately! One of the aversions I noticed is Chocolate!! NOOOOOO!!!! I know and Valentines day is a few days away. Sigh.... We picked up a chocolate cake to celebrate Pumpkin's pregnancy but I barely could get through half of a half of a slice before giving it to Adrian. I didn't touch it again. I also had one of my favorite chocolate covered granola bars and that made me so queasy and sick. So ya no more chocolate for me. Which is good, I need to start eating better

TIREDNESS:
That has hit me pretty hard in the beginning of the week, however, now I am getting alittle better. I have alittle more energy and I think its because I am making sure I eat when I am hungry and eat healthy things. I still need my nap during the day but if I really needed to I can make it through the day without one.

NEW SYMPTOMS:
Well I am barely pregnant so there are no "new" symptoms to write about. This is pretty much the baseline blog. Other than my uterian pains, boob pains, insomnia, frequent peeing, and tiredness there isn't really anything new new to report.

WEIGHT:
Ugh... this is going to be a problem, however, I am ramping up for the challenge against it. When I got pregnant with Angel back in Aug. I went to my primary care doc for an unrelated thing. I told him I was pregnant (and at the time weighing 188) and asked what I should do about the weight situation. He told me to WALK WALK WALK and he would like me to remain at my weight or go down but not gain any. YIKES! Talk about hard! Well when I lost Angel I tried so hard to get into a work out routine and eat better. Things went great, I dropped down to 183. Then my surgery happened, the recovery was long and I got really sick in Jan so I could not maintain the hardcore gym workout I was doing. Then I got pregnant. Well last time I weighed myself I was 184. I have been researching about a proper diet for obese (yes I am obese) pregnant women and they said that it is actually ok to remain or lose weight during your pregnancy! That gave me some hope. So I am going to try to hit the gym again (treadmil walking only!) and eat right. We will see what happens... wish me luck with that

A little better today

Today has been alittle better for me. I have been stressing out a lot less, mostly due to the fact that my cervical pain and other abdominal pain were gone most of the day. I felt better and my spirits uplifted a bit.

After writing my blog yesterday I finally decided that I will take this pregnancy as it is and to stop worrying about it so much. If God is going to take away this baby from me too, then thats his will and there is nothing I can do about it. So with that being said I am going to enjoy this pregnancy while my baby is with me. Something I regret not doing with Angel's. (I always felt there was something wrong with Angel's pregnancy since the beginning and I was having horrible bonding issues). Well this time I am doing to take it as it is.

Things were going pretty good for the most part of the day. Mia was alittle bit of a handful but by the evening we both were having fun screaming and playing with each other. I had a couple of tickle fights with her and was feeling pretty good. Then when our show line up was done on TV I decided to play her alittle music before bed. I got up from the couch and got a HORRIBLE pain on my right side of my uterus. It quickly brought me to my knees. I held myself, to scared to even move in fear I might have done something wrong. I just sat there on the ground trying to relax my tense muscles, breathe and talk myself down. This was the worst pain I felt yet. Last night when I put Mia to bed, I lifted her over her crib to lay her down and I got a stabby sharp pain that sent me hurring out of her room, holding my stomach and running to Adrian. I really don't remember having these sort of pains with Mia but I do remember vividly having them with Angel. I rode them off as nothing with Angel and contiuned to push myself anyway, taking them lightly. This time I am paying more attention to them and trying to slow down a bit. Which is hard with a 1 year old running around. Sigh... I hope I will be ok

Well I am going to rest the rest of the night. I am going to put on some of my shows to watch on TV and eat another Grapefruit. I am trying to stay positive.... its still a HUGE roller coaster for me right now.

Ugh... stressin' out BIG TIME!

Ok I know every pregnancy is different and I shouldn't compare, however, I can't stop worrying and panicking about losing this baby. Its has slowly consumed all my thoughts. Why? because I keep feeling slightly crampy and stabby pains near my cervix. I really don't remember all the beginning details of how I felt with Mia (I wish I wrote them down) but I do know I was extra crampy with Angel's pregnancy. Everytime I feel my cervix pulsate or hurt I get so paranoid. I keep expecting to see blood any min. I am seriously freaking out now.

I set my first prenatal appointment and its on March 3rd. That will be about my 8 week mark. I am trying to stay positive but its so hard not to relive my miscarriage!!!! I need to stop it! I need to relax and enjoy this pregnancy!!! I just don't want to lose this baby too!!!

It sucks that no one knows about my pregnancy yet so I can't consult with anyone. Especially my Dad who I tell everything to. I just found out they can't make it this weekend due to my Aunt's 50th birthday party scheduled on Sunday. BUMMER!!! I am still debating on whether I should tell Jay and Lauren yet or when. I tried to contact Mona but she hasn't gotten back to me. Is this a sign?! no no no no I can't let myself think that way. Everything is fine... it has to be!!!

Please pray for me and my baby

Grapefruit! YUM?

Ever since I was a little girl I have always disliked the taste of Grapefruit. I hated the juice, the fruit, anything grapefruit. It was also so bitter and yucky and would almost make me gag!

I remember my Dad eating lots of Pink Grapefruit when I was a kid. He would always ask me to try some and I would always try to get away and out of eating any of it. However after much convincing I would eventually try it and I would practically spit it out because it was so gross!!!

I don't remember the last time I attempted to like Grapefruit. I believe it was sometime in college and again I was grossed out by it.

Now that I am pregnant and my cravings and aversions are slowly kicking in, I was completely shocked beyond belief by my newest craving. Yep you guessed it.. Grapefruit!!! WOW! What the heck?! I found myself thinking about them here and there.

Then yesterday, while we were in Target picking up a cake to celebrate the new baby, I passed by the produce department. All of a sudden I stopped in my tracks! There staring at me was a nice fat Grapefruit! Ooooooooh!!! I picked it up and even the smell of it made me want to drool. I found this so incredibly odd! Adrian finally noticed me holding and savoring the little grapefruit in my hand and said "You know thats a Grapefruit" "Yes I know but it looks so good!!!" "I thought you didn't like Grapefruit" "I don't but now I want one.. BAD!" "Your not going to like it" he said. I stood there and thought about it for awhile. It was almost $2 for this little Grapefruit and I would hate to waste Adrian's hard earned money on something I would taste, reject and throw in the trash. So against my better instincts I put it back and walked away sad.

That night all I could think about was that little Grapefruit! It literally haunted me until I finally told Adrian that I couldn't stand the craving anymore, I NEEDED Grapefruit!!!

So today when Adrian went to the store to pick up some odds and ends and he picked me up a Grapefruit! YAY!!!! I was so excited, but unfortunately too full from our dinner to eat it. So I held it in my hand. I took that little Grapefruit everywhere with me until I finally had room enough in my tummy for it. I was even sniffing it here and there (haha I know I know I am weird, but it smelled SOOOO GOOD!).

When I was hungry again, I slowly opened it up and YAY it was a pink one (supposedly the better type). I peeled it all away and remembered how my Dad used to say not to eat the pulp part, just the juicy fruit part. So I got one ready for me to eat. I wasn't sure how it was going to taste. I wasn't sure if it would make me sick, make me puke, or if I would love it. I slowly ate a piece and........... O-M-G!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!! I gobbled up more than half of it before getting full. I was in heaven. I never knew how good Grapefruit could be!!!!

Well I guess this baby is liking Grapefruits! It was Oranges with Mia, Mangos with Angel, and now Grapefruits with this little one haha Well as long as its not chocolate cake I don't mind. Hmm.... I think I will go eat the other half of my Grapefruit now!

Anxiety.....

I wasn't really sure how the miscarriage would affect this pregnancy... if at all.. and its slowly starting too. It wasn't at first.. I was completely fine with things until I started to remember.

It all started with the acceptance and confirmation of this pregnancy. I called my doctor's office to schedule my first pre-natal visit and it started to feel like deja-vu to me. Especially since the only place I had the number to call was from an old email reply I got from them reguarding my 2nd pregnancy (the miscarriage one). Then I created this blog site and though it was lots of fun for me that also reminded me of "Angel" and when I did one for them.

I try not to let it affect me but I have been thinking about it alot and my anxiety of losing this baby has been increasing. I don't think I will feel comfortable until I hit the 8 week mark (the same time I lost the previous baby) and I will feel even better at 10 when the chances of me losing it drastically decreases. But still... its eating me inside.

Today I started to feel alittle crampy and my cervix was slightly hurting. Nothing like when I had my miscarriage but the pain did bring back memories. I was happily watching the Superbowl at home with Adrian and Mia on the couch when it started up. Instantly my mood changed and I got quiet. Then scared. My heart started to race... am I going to lose this one too I thought. The pain was very minimal but there. I was so paranoid and didn't relax until it finally went away.

Yes I am paranoid. I hate the fact that I can't relax because I am so scared of losing this baby. I am even hesitant to tell anyone about the pregnancy.. even friends and family. I have yet to tell anyone. I dunno... hopefully I will get over this.

I hate that my miscarriage is clouding my happiness with this pregnancy and preventing me from freely "bonding" with my new baby in my tummy. =(

Celebration Time!!!

After Mia woke up I carried her downstairs with me. I took her to her Daddy and we broke the news to her. Of course she didn't know what was going on and all she cared about was "wheres lunch!?!" but it was still cute to tell her she will be a big sister again.

We rested here at the house a bit. I have been so tired lately and nap every second I can. We wanted to do something special to celebrate the pregnancy so the three...err.. four of us zoomed off to Target later in the evening and bought a big chocolate cake!! Yum Yum!

I think my pregnancy food aversions are starting to kick in though. Sweets just don't look as tempting as they used to be. I was like that with Mia's pregnancy.. so much that I couldn't even stomach putting something sugary in my mouth. This time I can tolerate it but not much.

We took the cake home and after Mia went to bed we cut it and ate some. I didn't even finish my tiny slice before feeling ... bleh... so I gave it to Adrian. Eventhough I couldn't really enjoy the cake like I wanted to, it was still fun to finally be able to acknowledge my pregnancy and celebrate!!!

I can't wait to tell the family now!

Also, I am so happy I am finally able to create the baby's own blogsite!! I have been dying to do that. Its still work in progress but its coming along great. I have been blogging about the baby on my own private diary since the VERY beginning so I transferred some of those blogs onto this one. Of course after TONS of editing and censoring out some personal details haha

Its starting to feel real!

YAY! We got our confirmation today!!!! As hard as it was for me not to spill the beans that I got a possible positive earlier in the week, I kept my little secret and waited until today to tell Adrian and do a confirmation test with him!

We waited until Mia was down for a nap and came downstairs together. I went into the bathroom alone and walked out with my pending digital test after taking it. Adrian and I sat on the family room couch as I rested the test on my knee..

The little hour glass was blinking and blinking. I was shaking with anticipation. I knew I was pregnant but I only truly accept it once I get a digital confirmation.

This little test was extra special for us because it was the first time that I actually got to take the test with Adrian with me. The two previous pregnancies I had always did it alone and told him the results later. This time he got to see the results right as I did.

The hour glass blinked some more then..... BAM!!..... PREGNANT!!!!! YAY!!! We both celebrated and hugged! Wow here was our confirmation! Its really happening! no doubt about it now. We chatted a bit; both of us excited about our new little soon-to-be bundle of joy!

Now I can't wait for Mia to wake up from her nap so we can tell her she is going to be a big sister again! WHOOHOO!!!!!

Shhhhhhh............... I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats right I am pregnant... and only you, me, the baby and Mew Mew know! I just tested and it came out a extremely faint positive but it was there! I know I know I said I would wait until Sat. to test but I just couldn't get yesterday's negative out of my head. So I really had to pee and decided what the heck I will test anyway, I can always buy another one at Walgreens, plus I still have my digital unused one to be my "confirmation test".

Originally the plan was, wait until Sat. take the "First Response" one, wait until its positive then test again with the digital so Adrian and I could see the positive together. That would be my way of surprising him without letting him down with a false negative.

Well like I said I just couldn't wait. Adrian was working from home unexpectedly tonight so I thought "hey why not". So I took the test and just like with Mia's (in the same bathroom as I tested positive with Mia) and sat on the floor and waited, while watching it. Slowly I saw a tiny faint very tiny little line appeared!!!! I kept coaxing the line like if it was alive. And sure enough... though barely visible that little line said "Hello" to me!!!! YAY!!!!!!

I was so excited, but the excitement level was much more controlled than with Mia's positive and Angel's positive. Both of those times it was a complete SHOCK... this time I knew it and expected it. So I went back upstairs and casually asked Adrian if he would like to test together. I acted like I had not tested before and he said .... "no we can wait until Sat" *******WHOA!!! STOP THE PRESSES!!! WHAT???***** (I thought to myself) I tried and tried to convince him to test with me but he stood his ground. Its my fault really for saying its too early to test right now, a few days ago, and that my period is due Friday. So now we have to wait. There is no way around it.... but thats ok it can be our little secret for now. I happy and relieved to finally get my confirmation. I knew it all along, I just did. This pregnancy was sooo planned too the "T" it would be almost impossible not to be. I do feel bad that Adrian has to wait a few more days while I secretly know, but hey hes the one who wants to wait.

Well I am sure I will write more on Sat. Wish me luck! I know I will tell Adrian all of this come Sat. I just hope he isn't upset with me that I didn't wait. Granted I did test without asking him first so its not like I went out and tested after he said wait. Ya... ya I know, but I am just an eager beaver! and I am Pregnant I can do what I want!!!!

Hi little baby, welcome to my tummy!!! <3

Doubts....again...

I had a feeling I shouldn't have tested yesterday, because all that went through my head all night and even this morning is ... maybe I am wrong... maybe I am not pregnant.

Could all the pregnancy symptoms I am feeling all be in my head? Could they just be symptoms of my period approaching? I mean we did time it perfect (so we thought) but only did "the baby dance" once. Maybe that wasn't enough.

I am feeling pretty down about it. I have decided to wait until Saturday to test again. Hopefully my levels will be high enough to detect by then.

I am so nervous and sad. I hope I am pregnant because the conception story would have been perfect, being in Vegas for our anniversary and all. Now it will just have to happen here at home... the house we conceived and lost Angel in ... and the house we are moving out of.

I hope I am wrong, I DO want to be pregnant!

First Negative result...

I know I am pregnant. I have to be. I mean my boobs never hurt THIS much prior to my period, I have stabby pains in my uterus and I am so tired all the time (more so than usual) I HAVE to be.

I knew it was to early to test. Especially how I didn't get a positive with Mia early (I tested twice and got two negative results during that week before I finally got the positive on the 29th, (period was due 28th... negatives on 22nd, 24th). I got 2 negatives with Angel before I tested positive (Angel's conception date 31st..first positive result on the 13th last negative on the 8th (period due 7th))

Why should I have thought this would be any different. Well I was hoping since I am feeling pregnant way fast than Mia and Angel that maybe my levels would be up. Well I was wrong. I just tested (9:30pm) and it was a solid negative. Sigh... I really wanted to surprise Adrian tonight since he is working from home. Ah well. I am alittle scared that maybe I am wrong BUT I am thinking positive.

I guess I will test again this weekend.... sigh....